Does he complete me? No, not really

I was attending a concert and the singer said she had never been in love.  She said that she never understood how someone could “complete me”?  As if you come into the picture as a cup half full and it’s up to the other person to fill your cup.

But that’s what we do.  We go into a marriage or a relationship expecting the other person to complete us.  But that’s an expectation that could never possibly be filled.  I mean have you truly thought about what that means?

How can another human being complete you?

How would they know what’s missing?

I think that sets us up for failure.  Because in our head we think we know how they complete us, but then we are constantly waiting for that void or lack to be filled to the rim of our cups and it never truly manifests.  We are never completely “full” of what that person has to offer.

If you are looking for someone to complete you, then you are probably not as ready of that relationship as you thought you were.

I would suggest doing a little more soul searching to find out exactly what you need to feel complete on your own.  Go into a relationship so full and complete that instead of expecting you end of complimenting one another.

It’s crazy how so many of these old wives tales are literally setting us up for failure.

And if you believe this is true, can you please explain to me how someone truly made you feel complete.

Talk to me!

I was Messed up Way before I was Married

Yep… you heard me right.  I thought I had it all together when I said “I Do”.  I thought I was the best thing that could have walked into his life.  Stroking my own ego like, yep, he caught a good one.

I thought I was whole, happy, and a perfect for the part.

But then shortly after “I Do” things begin to change.  I thought it was him, because surely it couldn’t be me.  I realized that I didn’t have a manual on how to “play” wife.  So I put on this perfect wife facade and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t buying it.

Wait a minute… he wasn’t buying it… now what?

What do you do when he’s no longer buying it? When you can no longer pretend? When he sees right through your false mask of perfection.

What do you do when you realize… whoa… I was Messed up Way before I was Married?

Talk to me.

That’s who I met… and married

How often do we go into relationships thinking… Well I don’t like that about him/her, but I’ll change them.  We may not be as direct in telling them our intentions, but it’s usually a well thought out and calculated plan.

I call it marrying with conditions.  I married with conditions.  I married knowing there were things I did not like about my husband and had every intention on changing him.

Why is it so hard to accept, that’s who I met… and married.  Is it compromising for me, but at the same time unfair to him?

And how different would my marriage had been if I just accepted the fact, that’s who I met… and married?

Even now, 14 years later and we are in what I feel is a good place in our marriage.  There are still things about him that are hard for me to accept (couldn’t think of a more fitting word).  Like in business, we both think so differently.  Even though our end goal is the same, the path to get there is so different.   Like absolutely no similarities at all and for years it would just cause me to shut down and retreat (more like run full speed away).  But now I’m learning (yes literally as I type), that’s who I met… and married.   And it’s okay that we think differently.  Actually thank God we don’t think the same.  But then again, if he did think like me we would be living in a tiny house, in a foreign country near or on a beach.  Hmmm, maybe he should think more like me.

But I’m learning that our differences don’t always have to lead to conflict.  And it’s okay if we have different ideas on how to get to our end goals.  I don’t have to lose my voice or my vision.  I don’t have to feel intimidated or that he doesn’t support me, it’s just we are different.

He’s a very smart business man and I know that every thought and idea is because he believes in me.  He wants to see me win.  He wants to see greatness in me.  He wants to see me live a full and amazing life.

We may never get to a place where we always see eye to eye.  He loves me and I love him.  And that’s who I met… and married.

Did you fully accept your spouse or did you marry with conditions?

Talk to me.