TIME and Expectations… deep sigh

We all have them.  No matter what we are doing in life, we have expectations and then there is time.  Sometimes they are spoken, sometimes not, but we all have them.

I just published my first book and I have so many expectations.  Expectations of sales, events, book signings, meet-ups, book clubs, lists, you name it…  We speak it and try to convince ourselves there is a difference between actually wishing and manifesting, but often in denial of which thought or feeling is the dominant one.  Sometimes wishing wins.  Sometimes doubt wins.  Sometimes I see a glimpse of the manifestation, but not fully.

Time.  I’m learning that time is often the killer of dreams.  When we actually JUMP (the latest buzz word for taking a chance or risk on something), we expect TIME to accelerate with us at the same rate that we made the impulse decision.  No matter how hard we try, we can’t really force the hand of TIME.  Time says that your book may eventually end up a bestseller, but it may not happen overnight like the celebrity Gabrielle Union who wrote a book about her truth as well.

Time says that your expectations for sales, bookings, and events may not happen at the pace you expected.  But why are my expectations so high?  Is it to fulfill a mask of validation? Does the word “bestseller” written across the top of my book validate who I am or what I’ve done? Does it validate how great my book is? Does it validate the impact my book will have on people as they read it?  Will I feel the same way if my book only changed the life of one woman versus the lives of one million women?

I’m back to face the question of, who did I really write the book for?  Was it for them or was it for me?

I think this is the defining moment where dreams die.  Expectations and Time are dream killers.  I can allow the unmet expectation to push me forward or stop me in place.  I can allow the ticking of the clock to either slow me down or speed me up, but that’s only me and my actions, it has nothing to do with the clock.  We all are allotted the same 24 hours in a day and it’s up to each one of us individually to decide how to best maximize that time.

broken little pieces.  You are my story, but I refuse to give you the power to define or validate me.

No. More. Masks.