Last night I was praying for my marriage. Out of habit I prayed that my husband would love me as Christ loved the church (Epeshians 5:25). I immediately laughed and realized that I have no idea what that scripture means or what that type of love looks like in a marriage! I have prayed that scripture so many times over the 15 years of my marriage.
I asked my husband if he knew what it meant or if he knew how to find out what that scripture truly means. We realized that our marriage had been based on someone else’s interpretation of the scripture because we never took the time to search it for ourselves. I think that happens a lot in marriages. We listen to the interpretation of a Pastor, Counselor, or friend and take his/her version as our own and we stick with it.
I realized that I had took the same path with my marriage. My marriage has been based on someone else’s interpretation of what marriage should be. 15 YEARS and I am just realizing that I never took the time to create a marriage that is authentic to me. I’ve allowed counseling, teaching, television, books, other couples, social media, childhood, and Lord nows what else to define my idea of marriage.
I literally realized last night that my role as a wife has been a mask. Someone told me what marriage should look like and I took the mask and wore it. And I have been wearing that mask for almost 15 years. I have always felt like something was missing in my marriage, but I could never quite put my finger on it.
I told my husband that I feel like that I should wake up and introduce myself to him in the morning because he does not know me and I don’t know him. We have been wearing masks that were given to us and we weren’t aware at the time that we could actually decline those masks and go and create a marriage that we wanted to have.
Y’all I will be celebrating 15 years of marriage on May 17, 2018. I feel like we should be starting over at day 1 getting to know one another. Last night I told him that he married a mask. Since the release of broken little pieces, I have been on a journey of constantly removing masks and desperately trying to get to the core of WHO I AM!!!
According to Ephesian 5: 1-2, we should be imitators of God and that we should walk in love. Although I’m not quite sure what that fully means either, I’m going to start by making it a point to daily “Walk in Love” and pray that I begin to gain clarity and understanding of my life.
Deep sigh. I told y’all that removing masks is no joke, but I also promised to walk out this journey daily with you. It’s a process and there is no looking back. Whew!!!!
To be continued…
#brokenlittle pieces #selfcare #selflove #masks