That’s who I met… and married

How often do we go into relationships thinking… Well I don’t like that about him/her, but I’ll change them.  We may not be as direct in telling them our intentions, but it’s usually a well thought out and calculated plan.

I call it marrying with conditions.  I married with conditions.  I married knowing there were things I did not like about my husband and had every intention on changing him.

Why is it so hard to accept, that’s who I met… and married.  Is it compromising for me, but at the same time unfair to him?

And how different would my marriage had been if I just accepted the fact, that’s who I met… and married?

Even now, 14 years later and we are in what I feel is a good place in our marriage.  There are still things about him that are hard for me to accept (couldn’t think of a more fitting word).  Like in business, we both think so differently.  Even though our end goal is the same, the path to get there is so different.   Like absolutely no similarities at all and for years it would just cause me to shut down and retreat (more like run full speed away).  But now I’m learning (yes literally as I type), that’s who I met… and married.   And it’s okay that we think differently.  Actually thank God we don’t think the same.  But then again, if he did think like me we would be living in a tiny house, in a foreign country near or on a beach.  Hmmm, maybe he should think more like me.

But I’m learning that our differences don’t always have to lead to conflict.  And it’s okay if we have different ideas on how to get to our end goals.  I don’t have to lose my voice or my vision.  I don’t have to feel intimidated or that he doesn’t support me, it’s just we are different.

He’s a very smart business man and I know that every thought and idea is because he believes in me.  He wants to see me win.  He wants to see greatness in me.  He wants to see me live a full and amazing life.

We may never get to a place where we always see eye to eye.  He loves me and I love him.  And that’s who I met… and married.

Did you fully accept your spouse or did you marry with conditions?

Talk to me.

4 Replies to “That’s who I met… and married”

  1. This is so powerful! Wow! Thank you for sharing and putting into to words what most if not all wives have pondered at one time or another!

  2. I accepted my husband for who he was however, as I began to grow at a more rapid pace than expected the conditions began to attempt to rise up…here I was growing, flourishing, blooming more and more(I have always been the progressive type but this was a new kind of growth), and there my husband was, moving at a snails pace. I wanted him to move fasted, alongside with me but once I realized and accepted that that was not the way God ordained it life got easier! Thanks for sharing!

    1. I think it’s natural for us to assume or expect our spouse to grow when we grow. I wonder if they have the same thoughts in areas where we may operate at a snails pace. I’m sure my husband feels that way towards me when it comes to finances. We will always be a work in progress in some area and accepting their pace is more easier than trying to accelerate it!

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